Chapter 15 - Tragic and Beautiful



When she wakes up, she's not surprised to see that Jon is not in bed next to her, where he belongs.

 

  She rolls over and looks at the time.  After laying there for a few minutes, she gets up and drags herself to the bathroom.  Running through her morning routine, she looks out the bathroom window and sees that it's a beautiful day.  When she finishes with her teeth,, she grabs her robe and slips on her slippers.  She's off to the studio to see if he's fallen asleep out there, or if he's still working. 

 

In the kitchen, Maria had fresh coffee on and was preparing today's menu.  The kids went home with Jon's mom last night and they are expected back early afternoon.  "Good morning!"  Beth says to Maria as she pours two cups of coffee.

 

"Good morning, Miss Beth.  How did you sleep?" Maria responds with a smile.

 

"Like a princess.  Thanks.  Have you seen Jon?"  She asks on her way out of the kitchen.

 

"Nope." Maria blurts out to Beth as she disappears into the pantry.

 

Beth takes the cups of coffee out to the studio.  Walking out she takes in the riverside air and the beauty that is the morning. She can see that summer is well on it's way and she's looking forward to the day at the beach.  With talent, she opens the door with both cups of coffee and makes her way into the studio.  She can hear music, it's nothing that she recognizes, and she can hear Jon singing; 

 

 Maybe I'm cynical
I'm painfully logical
You're tragic and beautiful
And that's good enough for me

 

She steps in front of the sound booth window and holds up his cup of coffee.  He sees her, smiles and holds up one finger.  He wanted to get the rest of the verse down before he stopped.  She sat down at the controls and watched him through the window.  She loved watching him sing.  He was so passionate and so serious about it, and with each word she watched, she fell just a little harder. 

 

He finishes and steps out of the booth.  He leans over and kisses her, while taking the coffee from her hand.  "Good morning, babe."

 

"Good Morning!" she smiles at him, as he sits at the console next to her. 

 

"Am I in trouble?" he winks at her, rewinding the track that he just laid.  "I got so in the zone, I had to finish."

 

"Let me hear it, and then I'll let you know if you're in trouble." she takes a sip of her coffee and winks back at him.

 

He plays what he's put down and she really really likes it.  "Can you play it again, please?"  She asks after her first listen.  He rewinds it and sits back, letting her listen to it undistributed.  Her foot moves to the beat and she says, "I love it, absolutely love it.  It has a powerful message." She puts her feet on his lap.  "Who's the inspiration?"

 

Rubbing her socked foot, he says "I was watching you last night at the cemetery and I wanted nothing more than to take your pain away, far far away.  I actually thought to myself, if I was Superman I'd take it all away.  I wish I could be your Superman." 

 

"You are my Superman, Jon.  It's because of you that I've made it this far."

 

"It's also because of me that you've had the heartache that you have had."

 

"Not."

 

"Come on.  Life before me had to have been easier for you."

 

"It was much easier, but it was also different."

 

"Less heartache."

 

"No not really.  You have to remember, I lost Brian and that was not easy.  Do you really think I'm tragic?" she uses her feet on his lap to pull her self closer to him in her wheeled chair.  "Tragic, huh?"

 

"In a good way." he laughs. 

 

"I was the inspiration?" she smiles because she like the idea of that. 

 

He gets up and walks to the desk that was behind them.  Grabbing his cell phone, he says, "You have inspired a few songs, you know that.  But this one is a special one for me."

 

"Why's that?"

 

"I don't think that you understand what I seen in you last night, Beth.  You laid down next to the girls and talked to them as if they were right there.  That takes strength.  I think about talking to them and I want to cry.  You felt them move, you gave them life."

 

"I didn't make them on my own." she tries to lighten the mood. 

 

"You inspire me to feel what I feel and own it." he sits back down and leans toward her.  His hands go on her lap and his head follows.  "I wish I had half of your strength and courage."

 

"Courage?  That's not courage, honey." she puts her hand on his head and plays with his hair.  "When I'm with them, I'd feel stupid just sitting there quiet.  They need to know that we are okay and what we're up to.  In my heart and mind they are a part of our family, our lives."  She continues to play with his hair, "I used to go talk to Brian too."

 

Jon looks up at her, "Really?"

 

She nodded.  "At first it was every day.  Then as the pain eased a bit it was every other day, as the time went by it was less and less."

 

"Did it help?"

 

"Absolutely.  I would vent to him about work, how pissed I was that he left me and all kinds of stuff.  He used to help me when I was at a crossroad, I'd tell him what was going on and as I would talk to him, the answers came to me.  It was like I needed to hear myself say it,, and then I was okay."

 

He reaches around and tucks his hands behind her back, he's on his knees laying on her lap.  She sets his coffee down, thinking that this is odd.  She rubs his head, down his neck and his shoulders, "What's going on?"

 

He just shakes his head no, telling her nothing.

 

"Come on, I can tell.  What's up?"

 

"Last night when we were there, I felt awkward while you were talking to them and I wondered why.  It's not like I've not done it before."  he chuckles a little.  "I spent an afternoon there once, all by myself and I just talked."

 

"What did you talk to them about?"

 

"Everything.  You were gone, I wanted you back.  I was mad at you, I wanted you back.  I missed you like crazy, I wanted you back.  I heard you were with Dalton, I wanted you back." he takes a deep breath.  "They were my saving grace at one point." he confesses.  "Knowing that you moved on was the worst for me.  I thought that you were over me and my chance had been blown."  Looking up at her, "It was my personal darkest time.  And then I ran into you in the city." 

 

"Yep."

 

"I thought they answered my prayers.  They seen their daddy at his lowest and helped me back to you.  It took some time, but they led me back to you."

 

"They can be trouble." she laughs.  She doesn't want the day to be somber.  They have a day at the beach with the kids and Beth was looking forward to it.  "Why don't you go lay down for a little bit?  You have been up all night."

 

"I'm good." he assures her.

 

"It's beach day, baby.  I'm excited.  I grabbed new shovels and pails for Jake and Romeo - we are building the worlds largest sand castle."  she runs her finger nails up and down his back, tickling him.

 

"I'm going to stomp it like I'm Godzilla, just so you know." he looks up at her and laughs. 

 

"I'll drowned you."

 

"You'd have to catch me." he jokes with her, getting up off of the floor.  He looks at his watch, "Did you eat?"

 

"Nope, waiting for you."

 

"What's Maria doing?" he asks. 

 

Beth stands up and kisses his cheek, "She's preparing the days meals."

 

"Let's go eat. or do you want to go for a run first?"

 

The red flag went up right there for Beth.  Eat or run?  That's never a question for Jon.  He's a creature of habit, and she knows the creature.  He needs to run.  "Let's go for a run."

 

They go into the house and get ready for their run.  Dressed, with disguises in hand they walk out the front door.  Beth stops Jon, "Do you need to go alone?"

 

He gives her a puzzled look and says, "No, I want you to go."  He puts his ball cap on her head.  "Can you keep up?"

 

"Which route are we taking?" 

 

He thinks as he stretches, "Let's do bridge to bridge."

 

Touching her toes, she asks "Oceanic to Route 35?"

 

"Yep, let's do the big block."

 

"okay."

 

Together they ran down the driveway and turned right to go toward the water.  Jon is a step ahead of her, and Beth gives him that space.  She can tell that he's working something out, but she can't figure out when it started.  Her best guess is something happened in the cemetery and he'll talk about it when he's ready.