Chapter 9 - Help Comes In All Shapes And Sizes

 

With his head on her chest, Beth couldn't resist comforting him, he was hurting too.  She runs her fingers through his hair and said, "They helped me, Jon.  

 Going to them was the ONLY thing I could think of at that time.  Whether is was a subconscious thought hoping he would kill me or I thought their little souls could help me - but while he was raping me, hitting me and holding a knife to my face I was with my baby girls and they kept me safe.  I remember very little of the rape itself."

 

Jon jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom, he was sick.  He couldn't help it.  To hear her explain it in detail like that literally made him sick.  She wanted to die.  His Beth would never go down in defeat like that.  She was the fighter, that struggled through many trials.  She was the tough one, or she pretended to be.

 

He rinses with mouth wash and gets back into bed with her, this time he can't control his emotions.  "I am so sorry, I would take it all away if I could."

 

"I know you would, but you need to know something Jon - I wanted him to kill me, as opposed to raping me.  When I was with Rowan and Spencer, I really wanted to be with them.  I ache for them everyday and have since the day we lost them.  I didn't want to live the rest of my life being a rape victim with the stigma attached to me."

 

"I know that you're hurting, I know that you're pissed, I know that you're confused - but I'm glad that he didn't kill you.  Losing you would have been the end to me."  he kisses her cheek, "Will you let me help you get through this, please?  I know you and your ability to turn on the bad ass switch - please don't shut me out."

 

"We can take it one day at a time, babe.  But I don't want the kids to know, okay."  she practically begs him.

 

"No one needs to know.  If I need to get Peter to get a gag order, that's what I'll do.  But you can't shut us out."

 

"One day at a time." she pulls the covers up to her chin, "Will you lay with me again, please?"

 

He snuggles up to her and kisses her tenderly.  "I love you." 

 

"You must." she laughs.  "Who else would put up with all of my drama?" she exhales, exhausted.  "Where are the kids?"

 

"At moms."

 

"When are they coming home?"

 

"As soon as you're ready for them to." 

 

"Does Dot know?" she prays that she doesn't.  That's just one more thing that Dot can throw at Beth the next time she's pissed, and Beth hates the fact that she just can't walk up to her and slap her when she gets like that.

 

"No, Dot doesn't know." he gets up on his elbow and caresses her face.  "No matter what happened or what will happen, I am so glad that you're back in my life and I would really like it if you stayed this time."  She could see that he meant it.

 

"We agreed to baby steps, remember?  I'd like to stay with you and the kids for a few days and then I'll go to my place in the city."

 

"I know we agreed to that, but can we see what happens over the next couple of days and then re-evaluate the situation?"

 

As she yawns, she says, "That's fine.  We'll see."  She reaches up and kisses him.  "Thank you for loving me the way that you do.  I love you."