Chapter 64 - Blue Eyes Crying

 

 

 

 

Beth remains seated on the settee and is floored by what he told her.  Part of her is afraid to move, and part of her wants to jump for joy. 

 

 

With Jon telling her that that they need to get on with life and prepare for a baby, she knows that he's right.  With fear in her mind and excitement in her heart she looks to him and asks, "Can we go home?"

 

"Tonight?"

 

"Yes, please."  she never takes her eyes off of him.  He can see that she wants to go home and no longer wants to be in Atlanta.  "I don't want to be here anymore."

 

"I can call and see what I can work out, I may have to charter a plane."

 

She leans toward him and says, "I don't care if we have to drive Jon, I want to go home." she exhales heavily and smiles at him. 

 

Jon gets up and retrieves his phone from his bag.  Searching for the correct contact, he makes a call and quickly explains what he needs.  In just a few minutes time, he was able to have a plane chartered and a flight plane in place.  They take off in 2 hours. 

 

"We better get ready.  There will be a plane waiting for us in 2 hours, is that enough time?" he explains to Beth.  He looks around and sees that she really didn't unpack anything, "I need a shower, will you join me?"  He's standing in front of her, he reaches for her hand.  She smiles at him and takes his hand. 

 

In the bathroom, he helps her get undressed, he thought that she was in shock.  But she laughs as he tries to pull her sweater off.  He didn't know that there was a zipper in the back, "Hey, can you unzip it first?  You're ripping my hair out."

 

"I'm sorry baby."  He puts her sweater back down and unzips it.  Once he gets it off of her, she reaches back and unfastens her bra and she lets it fall to the floor.  When she is half naked, she helps Jon get out of his wet and sweaty show clothes, loving what she sees.  They are still in the no sex zone, so she has to behave herself. 

 

In the hot shower, she steps into the stream and lets the water cascade over her face.  She keeps thinking to herself, I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant.  Lost in her thoughts, she is startled when Jon comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her, hands stopping on her belly.  "It was meant to be, you know."  He buries his face in her hair and follows that up with, "We're having a baby."

 

Beth slides her hands over Jon's and tells him, "I just had deja vu.  This is freaky."

 

"Good freaky, though." he rubs her belly,  "this is going to be fine babe."

 

"How can you be so sure?" she asks as she turns around to face him.  As soon as they are face to face, he places a finger over her lips, stopping her from continuing with what she was trying to say.

 

"I love you and I know that you're scared, but I believe that this was meant to be.  Powers higher than us have deemed us parents - we are having a baby.  Wipe out all of those scared fears and embrace being pregnant."

 

"I can't stop being scared.  Hell, I don't want to move." he takes her in his arms and holds her in the warm water and just keeps her close.

 

"I'm scared too, but you know what - we can't let the fear control our lives.  We need to have positive thoughts and be happy about this.  God has given us another chance?"

 

"Maybe he wants to punish us for something, and take this one away too."

 

"Knock it off."

 

"No, I can't go through that again, Jon.  Why would he NOW want to give us a baby?  Does he not know our schedule?  You're getting ready to go on tour, I'm opening my own firm, we have the foundation and the vineyard.  We have houses that we need to sell, we have kids in school - now is not the best time to give us a baby."

 

"Is this the way that it's going to be?"

 

Beth's lip quivers and Jon can see that she is ready to break down and cry.  He puts his hands on her shoulders and says, "You're going to be a great mother, you know that and I know that.  I do not believe that God would give this to us, again just to take it away again."

 

She breaks down.  He was able to grab her before she started to collapse in the shower, she's going down and she admits, "I can't get excited about this.  I'm not happy about this."  He eases her onto the bench that's on the shower.

 

"How can you not be happy?" he looks down at her and he's shocked by what she had just said. 

 

She looks up at him, "I'm not having my dreams shattered again."  She puts her head in her hands and continues to cry.  "I can't lose another one Jon.  I can't."

 

"There's no to know if you even will?" he sets next to her.  "I wish I had kept it from you for a little longer."

 

"WHAT?"

 

He hates what he is about going to say, "If I didn't tell you, nothing would be different now.  I could have waited until you missed a period or waited until we were out of the danger zone."

 

"The only danger zone is the gender Jon."

 

He steps back into the water and says, "Let's get home and we can talk about this some more."

 

"I don't want to talk about it.  Let's just see what happens." she stands up and rests her head on his chest.  "If you only knew how much I love you and how bad I want to have a baby with you - losing another one would send me over the edge and there will be no coming back."

 

"God damn it, stop talking like that, please!?" he's getting really irritated by her downer attitude, but he completely understands it.

 

"Tell NO ONE!" she demands.  "Absolutely NO ONE."

 

"Beth, now you're being silly."

 

That pissed her off, so she quickly washed and exited the shower.  She dried and dressed before Jon gets out.  When he sees that, he knows that the short flight home will be a long one.  He has given her the best news that he ever could and it was shadowed by the loss of Rowan and Spencer. 

 

He gets dressed and they head to the airport.  The taxi driver can feel the tension, but leaves them alone.  The ride was quiet and Jon could see a tear in her eye from time to time, but he leaves that alone.  He can't argue with her about the fact that they are having a baby.  It is what it is, he just needs to help her deal with resurfacing feeling and the anger that she still feels from having the twins taken from her. 

 

The quiet kills Beth, she reaches over and takes his hand.  Placing it on her left breast, she says, "Can you feel that?"

 

He nods yes.

 

"It feels like it's going to jump out of my chest and I feel like I could vomit." he watches a tear roll down her cheek, "Jon, I am terrified."

 

"Babe, I understand that and our feelings aren't far off from one another's, but if you are stressed about it, you aren't going to help anything."

 

"I can't stop the anxiety, I can't not think about the two we already buried and the fact that we may have to bury this one."

 

That was a sucker punch to Jon's gut.  When she put it that way, her fear became his fear.  His heart about  jumped out of his chest and he too wanted to vomit.