Chapter 66 - We Throw Our Hearts, Into The Echo

 

 

 

They say that time heals all wounds, but whoever said that has never buried a child.  Beth was getting good at going through the motions - watching what she eats, exercising and she stays away from Jon when he's smoking.  She has taken all precautions and done all that was ever recommended for a pregnant woman, she was leaving nothing to chance. 

 

It's the middle of the night, in New Jersey.  Beth is startled awake by a bad dream, to find that Jon wasn't in bed with her.  Once she gathers herself and calms herself down, she grabs her robe and goes looking for him.  She stops off in each of the kids room, to find that he's not in any of them.  Heading down the stairs, she can see out the window that there are lights on in the Shoe Inn.  That was odd, for this time of night.  She makes her way through the rest of the house looking for Jon, and when she doesn't find him - she knows that he must be out in the studio.

 

She grabs a bottle of juice and a bottle of water from the fridge and walks out to the studio.  As she approaches it, she can hear him singing.  Just him, no music.  She stops outside the door and just listens.  She loves what she's listening too.  It's rare that he sings in front of her anymore.  Not even a song that he's picked up from the radio.  When she hears that he's stopped, she makes her way into the studio.  When she opens the door on the control room, she scares Jon.  "Hey, you scared the shit out of me."

 

"Why don't you have this door locked?"  She walks up to him and hands him the bottle of water and then sits next to him in the empty chair.  Kicking her feet up and resting them on the edge of the control panel she asks, "What were you just singing?"

 

"Just something that I'm working on, how much did you hear?" he asks, leaning over and kissing her.

 

"It sounded like a verse maybe?  It was good, what's it for?"  she takes her hand and rests it on his arm, "What are you working on now?"  She asks, not really thinking that she'll get a straight answer.

 

"Just something for the album, what are you doing up?"

 

"Bad dream."

 

"Want to talk about it?"  Beth breaks their gaze, because she doesn't want to talk about her dream, she needs to talk about it.  And she doesn't want Jon to know that she needs to talk about it.  She shakes her head no.

 

"I'm good.  What are you doing up?" turning the table on Jon, "Why are you out here in the middle of the night?"

 

He stands up and starts playing with some knobs that were on the other side of Beth.  "You know me, I need to work when inspiration moves me."

 

Beth repeats what he says, just in a smartass tone.  "What inspired you?"

 

Sitting back down, rolling his chair closer to hers, he admits, "I'm nervous and couldn't sleep."

 

"Nervous?  About what?" she asks him, knowing what he's talking about - she just wanted him to say it.  When he has problems or issues, it always helps him to talk about it - even if it was just a mention.

 

"The ultrasound today, I'm really nervous about it."

 

"Why?"

 

"Well, you still haven't felt any movement."

 

"It might be too early, you know that." she reminds him.  "My last check up, the heartbeat was strong."

 

"I know, I know - the girls were kicking the shit out of you by this time.  I'm just a little concerned."

 

Beth laughs at what he said, "The girls had to fight for room.  That's why they were so active."

 

Jon knows that not only is Beth trying to convince him that everything is okay, she's also trying to convince herself of it.  Her concern is as great as Jon and the anticipation for the ultrasound was killing both of them on the inside. 

 

"I just want everything to be perfect."  he tells her. 

 

Beth leans back in the chair and takes a deep breath, "That's what we both want, baby." 

 

Jon starts to shut everything off, he needs to take his baby's mamma to bed.  She shouldn't be up this late and she shouldn't be in the studio, "Come on, let's go to bed."

 

Beth turns her head to look at him.  She can see that he is stressed and very concerned, but there isn't anything that she can do for him.  They just needed to get to the ultrasound and find out that everything was okay.

 

They walk into the house, hand in hand, both taking in the night air.  "Look, not a cloud in the sky."  Beth says, swinging Jon's arm back and forth.  "Tomorrow is supposed to be perfect.  maybe we could take the kids to the beach after the ultrasound?"

 

"That would be nice, we haven't done that in a while."

 

"Because it's been winter, silly.  And just lately the days are warm enough to go.  June on the coast sucks this year."

 

"Then let's do that.  I'm sure they wouldn't mind."

 

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"Miss Adams?"  the nurse says as she opens the door that leads to the back where the ultrasound area was.  "Miss Adam?"

 

Beth and Jon stand up and walk toward the voice, "Are you Miss Adams?"

 

"I am."

 

"This way please.....aren't you Bon Jovi?" the nurse asks Jon almost tripping over her own feet. 

 

Jon hates being asked if he's Bon Jovi.  Bon Jovi is his band, he is Jon Bon Jovi.  Nodding his head, with his fake smile he says, "I am."  The nurse looked like she was about to faint.  Until her questions get the best of her.  But one look at Jon and she knows that she best not be asking any questions.

 

Beth hops up on the table and preps for the tech to come in and perform the ultrasound.  Jon is standing at her side, irritating her by trying to tickle her.  Beth knows that he's just trying to lighten the mood and that he's there for her, but she doesn't feel like playing.  She swats his hand and asks, "Please stop."

 

"Sorry."

 

"I know you're just trying to help, but tickling me just pisses me off.  Hold my hand." Jon takes her hand and kisses it. 

 

"Is there anything else I can do for you?" he jokes with her. 

 

"I'm good."

 

There was a knock at the door and the technician entered and introduced himself.  After the brief introductions, he gooped up Beth's belly and put the wand on her and started looking around.  It was almost instant and they could hear the heartbeat.  Very strong swoosh swoosh, Beth looked at Jon and he had tears in his eyes.  He's staring at the screen, watching what he sees; remembering that he wasn't there for Beth the last time she had an ultrasound.  The last ultrasound she had was the one that she learned the twins weren't viable.  He can't stop the tears, he doesn't want to stop the tears.  Beth squeezes his hand and he looks down at her, she sees the tears and hers start to flow too. 

 

"Everything looks great." the tech says to them.  "Baby measure right on target, heart beat and blood flow is great.  Twenty weeks, looks great.  Did you want to know the baby's sex?"  He turns his head and looks at Beth.  Beth looks at Jon, Jon looks at Beth.   They stare at one another for what felt like a lifetime. 

 

Beth closes her eyes and lays there for a second, she doesn't know what to do. Jon leans over and kisses her forehead, whispering, "We don't need to know right now.  We can find out later."

 

She puts her arms around him, holding him to her.  He can hear the baby's heartbeat and see the pain in Beth's face.  He can't help her with this.  This is a decision that she needs to make, she needs to decide if she wants to know what it is.  Boy or Girl.

 

She mentally debates the issue and finally comes to a decision.  "I'm going to look away, I don't want to know what it is, but for me - can you identify the sex on a picture and put it in a sealed envelope?"

 

The tech nods his head yes.

 

Beth looks at Jon, "If you look and find out, you can't tell me, drop any hints or tell anyone until I'm ready; promise me."

 

He smiles at her, "I'll look away too.  We'll find out together, when you're ready.  How about that?"  He squeezes her hand, and she smiles.

 

"Sounds good."

 

They both look away while the tech does what he needs to do.  Once he's printed the pictures and placed them in an envelope, he hands Beth a towel to wipe up with.  Jon grabs it and wipes her belly off, gently.

 

The tech gives her the envelope and they are free to go.  Walking out, Beth feels a lot better knowing that the baby is okay.  She found a lot of relief in knowing that the heartbeat is strong.  Jon's worry about non movement made her worry even more.  "Baby looks good."  She says as she walks beside him, resting her head on his shoulder.  His arm goes around her and they walk out of the medical complex on cloud nine.  Their relief was over due and their love conquered one more obstacle.