Chapter 75 - With Our Backs Against The World

The police made sure that Jon and Beth were left alone while at the cemetery, even keeping reporters far enough back that they wouldn’t be able to take pictures. 

With the chaos gone and a few deep breaths, Jon walked up to Beth, who was leaning on the hood of the Denali and asked her, “Are you okay?”

She laughs at him, “Are you kidding me? The press has a picture of our baby.  How do they have all of the information that they have?”  She stands up and starts to pace, “Who leaked our picture?”  Running her fingers through her hair, “Who gave them our personal business?”

Jon, now leaning on the Denali, follows her with his head and says, “That really doesn’t matter now, it’s out there and we are going to have to deal with it.  But let’s not let that ruin what we’re here to do, okay.”  She stops and looks at him and smiles.

“You’re right, you’re right.”  She walks to the Denali and opens the rear passenger door.  She reaches in and grabs a couple of handfuls of loose flowers and starts her walk.  She was drawn to the headstone that she seen the morning that they left the cemetery.  Walking up to it, she can see that it was a little girl that was born May 4^th 2008 and she passed away July 1^st 2008.  Beth’s heart sank, because she knows what the parents of this baby girl went through.  She placed a rose on the headstone and sat there for a moment, wondering why God would take babies like hers and this little butterfly, so early.  Her name was McKenna Ann Miller.  Beth loved the name.  As she sat there and silently talked to this little girl, she was approached by a lady that had an arrangement in her hand.

‘Is there something I can help you with?” the lady asks Beth.

Beth looks at her, surprised that she approached her and talked to her, but she says, “No, I’m just here paying my respects.”

“Do I know you?” the lady asks Beth, a little concerned that there is a strange lady at her daughter’s grave.

“I don’t believe so.” Beth replies, as she gets up off the ground.

The lady steps in closer, “This is my daughters resting place, what are you doing here?”  The lady is cautious, “Why were you sitting here?”

Beth, keeping eye contact with the lady says, “I’m sorry.  My name is Beth.”  Beth extends her hand and the lady hesitates, but she shakes Beth’s hand.

“I’m Dani.”

“I have twins buried here and when I was here yesterday, this headstone caught my eye.  I had seen that it was a baby, and was drawn back to it.  I wanted to lay a flower and pay my respects.”  Beth looks over the lady’s shoulder and sees Jon standing there, waiting for something to happen.  “I mean no disrespect.”

Dani watches Beth, trying to get a better read on her, but Beth is pretty transparent, Dani can tell that Beth is there from the heart. 

Beth didn’t want to take off her sunglasses, as she didn’t want the lady to know who she really was.  “I’m sorry, I’ll go now.”

She starts to walk away and Dani stops her, “Beth, how do you do it?”

Beth turns around to look at her, “How do I do what?”

“Function?” Dani starts to cry.  Jon sees that and walks toward the ladies, making sure that Beth is okay, thinking that one grieving mother talking to another might get a little crazy. He needed to be with Beth, should she need him.

Beth tries to comfort Dani with a hug, but she knows that very little can comfort a grief stricken parent.  No words and no touch can even begin to help.  “It’s not easy, but I know that my girls wouldn’t want me to sit around and cry for them.  They would want me to get on with life and be as happy as I could be.”

“How do you do that?” she mumbles, wiping tears from her eyes.  “How did you make yourself get on with life?”

Dani steps back and Beth grabs her hand, “I have a great support system and wonderful step children that keep me super busy.”

“I have nothing, no one.  When McKenna died, so did my marriage.  He left me three weeks after we buried her.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that.”  Beth squeezes her hand. 

“He blamed me for her death.” Dani opens up to Beth and Beth can do nothing but sit there and listen to her. 

“How did she pass?” Beth asks her, not sure that she even wants to know.  What if it was some horrific case of abuse, Beth might not be able to handle that.

“She died in her sleep.  Doctors said that it was SIDS, but my husband thought that it was something that I did.”

“Ohh, I’m so sorry to hear that.” Beth really doesn’t know what to say.  She squeezes Dani’s hand, “You do know there was nothing you could do, right?”

Dani nodded her head, “I know, but I couldn’t convince him of that.  He kept telling me that I killed our baby.”

“Dani, I am so sorry.”  Beth hugs her again, just as Jon walks up.  He winks at Beth and Beth smiles at him.  He still has his glasses on, so Dani doesn’t know who he is either.  “Dani, this is Jon.  Jon this is Dani and her daughter, McKenna.”

Jon, knowing that it’s okay to talk to the dead says, “Hello Dani, Hello McKenna.”

Jon shakes Dani’s hand before she wipes more tears from her eyes.  “Nice to meet you.  I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Nice to meet you, too.”  Jon smiles at her, “I’m sorry for your loss as well.”

Beth can feel the awkward silence so she says, “Come on Dani – let me introduce you to our daughters.”  Beth still has her hand, so she gives her a gentle tug and leads her to where Rowan and Spencer are buried.  It’s only a few hundred feet, so when they walk upon them Beth says, “Dani, this is Rowan and Spencer.”  Dani looks at the picture of the babies that were etched in the marble headstone.  The picture of them in their pink sleepers, holding each other, with their little hats on.  Then she notices the name.

“Bongiovi?” she quietly asks, looking at Jon.  He gives her a simple nod.  “OMG, I am so sorry.  I read about your story in People magazine.”

Beth says, “It was a tough thing to deal with.  But we’re healing and coming to terms with it.”  She steps away and grabs more flowers from the car, placing what she brought for the girls at their headstone. 

Jon is standing there with Dani, “Are you married?”  Behind Dani, Jon can see Beth shake her head no, but it was too late.  The words were already out of his mouth.

“No, he left me after we buried McKenna.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.  Dealing with the death of a child can be very trying on a relationship.  We are well aware of that.” He says, taking his foot out of his mouth, feeling like an ass.

Jon and Beth spent the better part of the afternoon with Dani, and the 3 of them paid their respects to as many graves as they had flowers.  Once they had finished that, they were at Dani’s car when she said, “I have to get going.  I need to be to work in an hour.”

“What do you do?”  Beth asked her.

“I’m a dancer, now.” She says, with her head down.  Embarrassed.  “I used to be a teacher, but when McKenna died and Mike left, I was broke.  I needed to make money or I was going to lose my house.”  She exhales, “One of my students’ mother was a dancer and that’s how I got into it.  I wish I could get out.”  She opens her car door.

Jon can see that she’s embarrassed and ashamed, being in front of him had to make all of that a lot harder.  He hugs her and says, “I’m sure you’re about to get her contact info, so if you need anything, please let us know.”  He’s referring to ‘fix it all’ Beth giving Dani her contact info.  “It was a pleasure to meet you and spend the afternoon with you, even in these circumstances.”  Taking a step away, he finishes, “I’ll leave you two, babe, I’ll be in the car.”  Waving, he walks away.

Dani looks at Beth, astounded at how wonderful Jon has been.  She was just hugged BY him.  “Thank you.” She says to Beth.

“Thank me?  For what?”

“For being the kind soul that you are.  You are Jon are angels.” Her tears start to well up in her eyes, “When I seen you at my daughters grave, I thought that you were my ex-husbands new girlfriend.  I never would have thought that it would be Jon Bon Jovi’s wife sitting there.”

“I’m sorry if I made you uneasy.”

Dani reaches out and hugs Beth and says, “Thank you!” again. 

Beth hugs her back and says, “It was my pleasure.”

“I better go.  I don’t want to be late.” Dani tells her, looking at her watch.

“Can I get your number or can I give you mine?  I would love to have coffee or lunch sometime.” Jon nailed that one.  Beth had to see Dani again, she could tell that she was lost and had no one to talk to.  Beth could see that she was just living to get by, having no reason to live.  Beth’s heart broke for her.  Dani reaches into her purse and pulls out what looked like a gas receipt and wrote her number on the back of it. 

When she handed it to Beth, Beth took it, ripped it in half and wrote her number down and handed it to Dani.  “Call me.  That’s my personal cell # that’s on me all the time.”  Beth smiles at her warmly, “Call me anytime, even if it’s just to talk.”

“I will.”  Dani held the piece of paper in her hand and covered her heart, “I promise, I will.  Please tell Jon thank you for me.”

“I will.”

“Good……” Dani starts to say, but Beth cuts her off.

“We don’t say goodbye, goodbye is final.  We say Until Next Time.”

Dani smiles, “Until next time.” She gets in her car and drives away.  Beth waving as she leaves.

When Dani is out of sight, Beth takes a deep breath and heads back to where Jon is; with the girls.  She walks up to him and throws her arms around him.  He picks her up off the ground, he legs lock in place behind him.  “Thank you.”

“For what?” he kisses her cheek.  “Thank me for what?”

“For not giving up on me, even when I was at my ugliest.” She kisses his cheek. 

“Your ugliest was my ugliest, that would have been like giving up on myself.”

“I can’t imagine what Dani must have gone through.  Losing a baby and her husband.  I am so lucky that I have such a wonderful BOYFRIEND.” She plants several kisses on his cheek, “I love you.”

“I love you too.  Are you ready?” he asks her.  Although she has all the time in the world, he knows that she has her limits.  The meeting of and hanging out with Dani took her mind off the baby that she was carrying, for a little while.

“I am ready.  I feel really good.” She looks around them, “Look at all the beauty we brought back here in this little corner.” She smiles, “There are some happy ghosts right now.” Now she laughs at herself, she’s just being silly.

As they are leaving the cemetery, they see reporter vans and fans at the gate.  They have no choice but to go through them.  Jon inched his way through and once they were on the road, he knew he needed to get away from the area in a hurry.  He didn’t want to be followed, they weren’t going home.  They were going to his parents to pick up the kids.