Chapter 77 - Silent Prayer, For Faith Departed

"Would it be selfish of me to wake her, after the last 36 hours that she’s had?  Well, she did want me to make love to her.’  


It didn’t take him long to make up his mind but he wanted to shower first.  She always loves the smell and the feel of a just shaved face. 

His shower wasn’t very long, he was in a hurry.  He was in a hurry to be with Beth, it’s been a while.  After her surgery, she was a little tender for a while, and lately she has felt much better.  The news of the baby kind of knocked the wind out of both of them. 

Once he’s about ready to climb into bed, he does a quick walk through of the house, locking doors and setting the alarm.  On the way back to the master bedroom, he stopped and checks in on all of the kids.  All of them were asleep; he’s thinking that they too, have had a mentally exhausting day.

Back in the bedroom, he sits on the edge of the bed on Beth’s side.  She facing that way.  He sits there and looks at her, in the dim light cast from the bathroom.  He inspects every inch of her face, her ears and her neck.  He can’t find one flaw, not that he was looking.  He reaches over and runs the top in his index finger up and down the side of her face, gentle enough to not wake her.  He just wanted to soak in her and all of her beauty that he can, for he knows that soon she will be facing another heartbreaking situation.  Thinking about that himself makes him sick to his stomach, but he really tries to keep his faith. 

A few minutes of caressing her face, makes her stir a little bit.  She rolls away from him, but doesn’t wake up.  From what it looked like, she reached for him, wanted to be close to him and he wasn’t there.  So, he does what any man in love would do.  He turns out the bathroom light and takes his place in their bed, in her life.  He’s going to be the shoulder that she needs again. 

Sliding in under the covers, he tries very hard to not wake her up.  She needs her rest, and he knows that there’s plenty of time for them to be intimate.  They have the rest of their lives.

Beth feels him climb into bed and as soon as he stops moving, she moves in like she’s metal and he’s a magnet.  He lets her snuggle and then her locks her into position, with her in his arms, he falls right asleep.  Everyone needed to shut it off and reboot.

Waking up at 4am dressed, left her kind of scratching her head.  The room was so dark; she was surprised that the TV wasn’t even on.  She can feel Jon beside her, reaching back; she tucks her hand in his underwear.  She didn’t want to get undressed; for fear that she may wake him up.  She has always stuck her hand in the waistband of his underwear; it’s what she did for security and comfort.  He thinks it’s cute.

“Good Morning” he whispers when he feels her hand touch him.  He scared her.

She rolls onto her back and looks in his direction, “Good morning.  What are you doing awake?”

“Couldn't sleep.  What are you doing awake?”  he rolls onto his side, putting one leg over her and an arm.

She rubs his arm, “I don’t know, couldn't sleep.”

“You had a bad dream.” He tells her.

“I did?” She turns on her side to face him, both barely able to see each other.  The room 

darkening blinds and curtains do what they say they would.  The room is very dark. She finds his face with hers, and kisses him.

“You don’t remember?” he asks her, surprised if she doesn't.

“No.’ she thinks for a moment.  “I don’t remember having any dream.”

“You said Dalton’s name.”

She sits up in bed, “I said what?  Did I really?” he heart races a little bit, she hasn't heard that name recently and if she never heard it again, it would be too soon. 

“You yelled his name and started to hit me.” She leans over and turns her bedside lamp on. 

Looking back at Jon she can see it was a pretty bad dream by the look on his face.

“Are you okay? Honey, I’m sorry.  I have no recollection of it.” Beth leans over and kisses him.  Quickly he grabs her, and doesn't let her go.

Beth can feel him breathe deep, “Are you okay?  That’s the question.”

“Yes.”

“I hope you are. That was a pretty powerful dream.” He tells her, still not letting her go, “I had to shake you to wake you from it.”

“Really?”

“I think you were dreaming about your attack.” He kisses her forehead

“Wow.  I don’t remember any of it.” She tells him, really having no memory of dreaming of Dalton.  “Maybe it’s my way of letting go?”

He starts to rub her back, “Do you want to talk to someone about it?”

“I do.  You.”

“Maybe I’m not enough.”  She sits up and looks at him with a funny look.

“If you were the type to tell me what I wanted to hear, then yeah, you may not be enough.  But you have always been frank with me and you tell me what I need to hear.  And you’re free.”  She laughs a little bit.  “Really though babe, I’m good.  I haven’t thought about him in a long time.”

“Beth, if your attack was half as bad as your dream – you need to see someone other than me.  I was scared for you while you were in your dream.”

She runs her hand up and down his chest, watching the hair slide out of her fingers, “It was bad, it was very bad, but I don’t need or want to keep reliving it, Jon.”

“And I don’t want you too, I just think that with the stress of the baby – maybe you’re suppressing too much?”

“If I am than so are you.”

“How do you figure?” he sits up and leans against the headboard, “I’m not suppressing anything.”

“Then why did I sleep in my clothes last night?”

“Because you fell asleep and I didn’t want to wake you.  You were almost snoring.”

She’s letting herself get upset over something super silly, but she can’t control herself, “You knew that I wanted to get naked and you let me sleep.”

“And I would do it again.”

She can see that he’s not the least bit feeling sorry for her and she knows that the point that she’s trying to make at this point is moot.  “I know you would and I would too if it were reversed.”  She crawls up on him and rests her head on his chest, “I’m sorry.”

“I like how you do that, that deflecting thing that you do.” He laughs and lays his arm over her, “I bet you don’t even know that you’re doing it, do you?”

She laughs, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You took the Dalton conversation and turned it around.  You always do that when it’s a touchy subject.” Rubbing her shoulder, pulling her hair back to expose her neck.  His fingers lightly touch the skin on her neck and she gets chills, he can feel her shiver.  “Does that tickle?”

“Yes, stop” she says, wiggling to get him to not really stop.

“Hey, we’re going to be okay, right.”

She sits up to look at him, “Honey, we’re going to be fine.  Wait, we’re going to be better than fine.”  She kisses his chin, “Will YOU stop worrying?  That’s my job.”

“And YOU do too much of that.” He tells her, reaching for her, he pulls her to him.

“It’s what I do best.”  She gives him another quick kiss and hops out of bed.  “Gotta pee.  Baby pressure on the bladder.”  He holds onto her as long as he can.  Beth does her thing.  She brushes her teeth, washes her face and goes potty.  As she walks back into the bedroom, she asks Jon, “Should I put pajama’s on?”

He smiles at her, ear to ear.  “That’s totally up to you.”

“Oh really?” she smiles back, stopping at the foot of the bed.  She stands there and unbuttons her shirt, sliding it off her arms.  It falls in place.  Next she reaches back and unfastens her bra.  She lets that slide off to the floor too.  Jon looks at her and his heart smiles when he sees how much her baby bump has grown.  Maybe it was the angle, maybe it was the lighting.

“You’re breath taking.”

“I know, you tell me every day.” She looks down and unfastens her shorts, letting them fall to the floor as well. 

“Well, you are.”

“I believe you.” She replies, sliding her boy short lace panties down over her hips and they end up on the floor.  She’s standing there naked, looking at the smile on his face, “Ya know, YOU’RE gorgeous.”

He laughs at that.  Never thought that would come out of her mouth at this time, “I know, millions tell me every day.”